Doubts and ?’s about your Christianity? – Excellent
“Steve, I hate to say it, but sometimes I have my doubts and questions.”
When it comes to your faith and beliefs, having doubts and questions is commendable. It means that you are endeavoring to apply your faith to daily life and, in so doing, are discovering there are some beliefs that do not match-up with your life experiences. Here is my story of my first major encounter with the onslaught of doubts and questions about my Christian beliefs and the resources I used to answer those doubts and questions.
As a preacher’s kid raised in rural communities, I identified with a group known as fundamentalists. I attended retreats and summer programs with other fundamentalists to learn what to believe. Being a ‘Fundamentalist’ was a proud moniker for a person with a firm Biblical basis for their beliefs. I was committed to forwarding the kingdom and the fundamental truths of scripture.
In the Spring of my senior year of high school, I attended the Senior Corn Roast. I was expecting a big picnic celebration as our final year was approaching graduation. Boy was I wrong. It was the first dance I had ever attended. I was appalled and stunned. It became clear to me why us Fundamentalists condemned these sexual gyrations against each other’s bodies. This was not square dancing or ballroom dancing; this was sexual foreplay with clothes on while a loud band silenced everyone’s conscience. Sitting on a hill a good distance apart from the dancing, I ate the ‘picnic’ food and condemned what I was watching. This event reinforced my belief that dancing like this was very ungodly and I resolved never to encourage nor participate in such sin.
In four months, I was to start my engineering degree at the University of New Hampshire. For my dormitory choice, I had selected Huddleston Hall, a quiet, study-oriented dormitory. A few weeks before the semester began, I received my room assignment - a dormitory called Stoke Hall. Okay, whatever. I knew nothing about Stoke Hall until I mentioned it to a co-worker at D.E.C. He mockingly laughed at me and said, “You will never survive.” Although a bit concerned, I figured he was just exaggerating.
Arriving on campus in September 1977, I found Stoke Hall and this country kid was awed by its 9 floors of rooms. My awe transformed into concern as I discovered that those 9 floors were filled with coed freshman who had broken free from their parent’s restrictions and were of age to consume alcohol, lots of alcohol. The first two weeks of the semester was a continuous, raucous, drunken party. I recall one night the ‘student’ in the room next to mine came in at 2 a.m., cranked on his stereo so loud that my wall lamp was rattling, and started yelling, “My head hurts, my feet stink, and I don’t know Jesus.” I was considering introducing him to Jesus that night, but I did not have a gun. It was not a nice Christian thought, but I was tempted.
After those two weeks, the parties settled into a tolerable routine. With broken glass and sticky beer splotches scattered around the floor and walls, the hallway to the communal bathroom and shower became an obstacle course Thursday through Saturday. When my parents visited, I would not let them come into the dorm for fear they would yank me from school. And to make the experience even more insulting, between the dorm room doors were 16’ long murals of various beer labels. And on some nights, the smoke in the hallway was a visible haze- and only partially from tobacco.
The fundamentalist beliefs of this naïve 18-year-old preacher’s kid hit a Mack truck head-on that Fall. What was I doing here? Would I survive? My age was the only thing I seemed to have in common with these 700 rowdy freshmen from all over New England. And not finding any other like-minded fundamentalist in the dorm, I felt very alone, perhaps even a bit like Lot while living in Sodom.
Were my fundamentalist rules against the frequent and casual sex and rampant drug use around me what God wanted me to obey? This was the start of questioning my Christian beliefs, particularly as other believers did not seem concerned. In addition to starting my engineering curriculum, I had to figure out what parts of my belief system had a firm Biblical Basis on which I could confidently stand.
I started my study by asking God to give me understanding and insight as He was the one who inspired what I was going to try deciphering.
Earlier, I had learned of a process that made sense and thus started there. First, I had to go back more than 2,000 year to start unraveling what those inspired writers meant when they wrote the Bible. As I started this, I thought of the quote, “I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant” (A. Greenspan) And then I considered how many versions of the Bible had been translated from the original languages. It only takes a touch of consideration to realize that language is an evolving art between generations and even between people of the same generation. Does a husband always understand his wife or teenage daughter? Are they not both speaking the same language? Therefore, I set out to uncover the initial reader’s ‘world view’ in conjunction with understanding the original language. I later learned this is called exegesis, the process to discern the meaning of a passage as understood by the initial recipients.
Not understanding the original languages – Hebrew & Greek – I sought resources developed by experts in the languages and cultures in which the text was originally written and read. I found a thick book entitled Vine’s Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words, another entitled an Exhaustive Concordance, and a third book which had the New Testament Greek text accompanied with a word for word literal translation and then three newer versions of that same passage. Those were the three primary resources I used.
Today, an excellent resource is found at www.blueletterbible.org. Not only can one find the Hebrew or Greek text of the Biblical text in question, but there are other resources such as a Bible Encyclopedia, Vine’s, a concordance, and introductions that help set the stage for each book. The ‘Blue Letter Bible’ app also links to numerous audio and written teachings from some of the greatest experts on the language and culture. Using my ‘primitive books’, I was able to begin focusing on how the initial readers understood a passage. But even with that research, I still felt like the blind man in Mark 8:22-25. After Jesus spit in his eyes, he partially regained his sight and remarked, “I see people, for I see them like trees, walking around.” In this lifetime, I doubt I will ever see clearly as this blind man did after Jesus laid hands on his eyes the second time. But understanding the message in a slightly blurry scenario may be adequate for me.
As I studied, I determined that many of my beliefs were not fully based on truth. For instance, I had been taught to never lie because lying was wrong, no matter the situation. This belief of always stating what is true is derived from Exodus 20:16: “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.” But, I pondered, when an undercover officer tells a criminal that he is not a police officer, is that not lying? As I read the context of the passage, I discovered further clarification three chapters later where it states: “You shall not bear a false report; do not join your hand with a wicked man to be a malicious witness.” Thus, ‘bearing false witness,’ which many claim is the basis of this belief, may actually be referring to a court setting. And the undercover officer, in court to testify about the criminal, when he swears to tell the truth, he is following this command to ‘not bear false report’ against another.
This highlights the next step of understanding how this may apply to me as I live life in the 21st century. This step is called ‘Hermeneutics.’ In the previous example, understanding the command to not bear false witness is not meant to require that Moses should tell his wife what he really thinks of her outfit. Rather, it is being truthful when telling what you know in a legal matter. That understanding would be exegesis. To apply it to the undercover officer who lies to the criminal but not to the court when testifying about the criminal’s activities, that would be hermeneutics.
That first year in college, I realized that many of my fundamentalist beliefs did not actually have a solid Biblical basis. My first year was a year of refining fire, forging convictions out of some of my beliefs and discarding others as a preference with no solid Biblical basis. Additionally, Father started to build a heart in me for the 700 students in Stoke Hall where I chose to live for the next two school years.
In summary, doubts and questions are healthy if they lead you to
1. Ask Father for insight and understanding.
2. A clearer understanding of how the original hearers understood the message – Exegesis.
3. Discerning how that passage may apply to living today – Hermeneutics.
Hopefully those refining fires sparked by your life’s circumstances will result in firm convictions that will govern your life. Continue to ask questions and seek answers.
